Below is an excerpt out of my studio journal, representing one week in the life of a contemporary woman artist. Well, what life is like for me since last Monday, anyway. I can’t say I’m typical, whether what I do is correct or not. Don’t look to me for proper procedures. I’m no teacher and I’m too far gone to care about rules. Most of the mundane details I’ve left out. I mean, nobody’s interested in the incident with the spilled shampoo, how I deleted an important image file, why I’m still raving mad at my gynecologist, etc. No, this is about the work for the most part. What’s here is a microcosm of the studio process, what happens when I try to make art. As a precaution, please excuse my rantings. These too are part of the process.

Monday 10:00AM: It snowed last night, which means I had to forgo my plans about getting in the studio immediately after breakfast. So I ate, fed the dog, the cats, tidied the downstairs. The driveway and walks took just a little more than an hour to clear. After I walked Bella, I took a shower. I’m tired. I’m doing only the minimum on the computer today. Been doing nothing but computer work since the new year started. Which was fine. Which is important. I get that. But I haven’t done any art making and I’m getting a bit squirrelly as a result, resentful. After lunch, no distractions. Nothing.

Noon: 6 new blank canvases. My insides grow cold because I don’t have any new sketches ready to enlarge to paintings. Decided instead to update studio log- pasting inkjet printouts of finished work into book. Supposed to be a good practice-to evaluate progress, successes, failures. Right now it just feels like some nursing home project. BORING! Sometimes I’m inspired. Not today. Seeing only agony. Nothing is coming. Must push through dead zone. But not knowing what to do next. Creativity needs a kick in the ass. So I’ll paste, look at old notes, see what happens. Maybe try doodling. Look through flat files. Floor needs a vacuuming. Need better quality glue sticks-not this purple “fading stuff”. Note to self: replace bottle of Lineco neutral PH adhesive. Never leave glue bottles open. Stupid, stupid.

1:26 PM: Still not inspired. Didn’t sleep last night-so tired. Keep sketching til I come up with something, anything. Return to form again, through color. Visit to NYC, Abstractions, Kandinsky shows jazzed me up, felt so connected, so sure. Was that only Friday? What happened? Last year’s experiments look so lifeless- felt right at the time. I’m struggling. Where is that new place. Want to say something different, unique. Hate everything right now. Should I get a real job? This always happens. I know this will pass. Always does. Keep working. Just keep working. Maybe I should play some music.

3:00 PM: Nothing. Just a paper-cut. Eating chocolate for dinner.

Tuesday 9:00 AM. Break-through. Late yesterday-rose to leave studio. Looked at wall in front of me, above lamp. There was the answer. Tacked on the wall, like so many white post it notes- the pencil drawings from Dec. I’m thinking- what about coloring those? Of course! Out came the Derwent pencils. I was furiously coloring. Like a little kid, following the shapes, the contours of the lines, not thinking, not judging, just coloring. Music turned it all on. Blasting it: Pink, The Black-Eyed Peas, the B 52’s, Aretha. (R-E-S-P-E-C-T). Worked two, three hours, singing loud, scaring the cats who fled downstairs. Don’t they like my melodious voice? LOL. Don’t care. Lost all train of thought. Forgot about the wet laundry. Forgot about supper. The groove is back, got my mojo again! Worked in blues and greens and yellow. Not sure why. Maybe thinking of the ocean- was vacation just a week ago? Sometimes don’t need to analyze everything. Got fifteen really strong sketches, fully developed compositions to translate into paintings This is good. Slept like a baby last night. Sleep is good, too. OMG good.

10:00AM Copied sketches in charcoal onto the blank canvases. Took them outside to the covered kitchen porch. Thankfully not too cold- put them flat down on the concrete. Glad it’s not summer either-no bugs. Sprayed each with fixative. Stinky stuff. Only good place to spray is outside. They’ll dry for an hour or so. The dog isn’t too happy I won’t let her out. Too bad. I’m happy. Anyway, I look at the big white squares outside on the ground. I wonder-do I introduce texture with these? Is that relevant to this series? Do I even know yet? What about a greater degree of whiteness. I have to make decisions. Just not now. This thinking stresses me. I kinda like the melty quality of the sprayed charcoal. Sometimes I think -just stop, it’s finished. Take a number, galleristas, who wants first pick? Yes, very stark, minimalist. Fantasy and color-my weaknesses.

Thursday 10:00 AM- Back to work. Canvases completely dry-ready. I’m thinking -coat all six of them in sheer layer of titanium white, -provide bright ground to sit under glazes. Always like this method of painting. Acrylic works well here, let’s me create depth, space, translucence. And fast. Now to pour out paint, get out the mini foam roller, keep the glaze thin so that color can sit even. The trick -to work the color in slowly, be patient, let it evolve- become itself. Have faith. I need to relax. When I finish the white, clean off the drafting table, put away the pencils, the sharpeners, the stuff I left scattered all over the place. Empty garbage. Renew ArtNews. Go see if the Food Network is back on.

6:00 PM Poured out some rich nickel titanium yellow. Love paint in a jar. It’s like lemon meringue. Sprayed out some water, worked brush in here and there- holding off on the highlight areas til last. Should I do another layer of yellow, use a deeper hue- a cadmium? Would it dry in time? Could I do green next, tonight? Whoa. Why rush. No deadlines. No shows lined up. Let it rest, dry over weekend. Come back Monday. Other stuff to do. Family coming Saturday. Football games Sunday. Forecast says rain. I’m good. A good week. Note to self: Buy more chocolate.

©2010 Ann Haaland

Want to see my first little tutorial video of this past week’s progress? I’ve never made a movie before. It’s rough. So don’t judge. Even Schnabel had to start somewhere.